Making small talk can often be more intimidating than giving a presentation. A presentation has set goals, specific talking points, and a clear direction in which to head. Conversation is rarely so direct—it can weave and wander, loop around, ebb and flow, and one rarely knows where it can end up.
This can make small talk (a key part of conversation and communication) a terrifying prospect for any new language learner. Here we will discuss some basics of English conversation: what to ask, what to avoid, some basic questions, and tips to make sure the conversation stays on track.
The first thing to know is that small talk can quickly turn into big talk. What starts out as a short conversation about the weather can quickly evolve (or devolve) into heavier discussions such as politics, religion, and other sensitive topics such as family or personal issues.
These can be daunting subjects and it’s best to avoid them unless you know the person well enough to discuss them without overstepping boundaries. In the West (and America in particular), politics is a very sensitive topic, especially in 2025.
Because of the political divide and strong opinions people may hold, it’s usually best not to ask about politics unless you are ready to hear very strong perspectives on the subject.
Many people are very vocal about their political beliefs, but that does not mean it is a topic that should be brought up casually in conversation. It can easily become controversial and cause people to become defensive, shutting down the conversation before it even begins.
The same thing goes for religion. People often consider religion a very personal topic, and while many people are open about their beliefs, it can be uncomfortable for others to discuss—especially if they don’t know what you believe or why you are asking.
So, if politics and religion are off the table, what can you ask about? There’s an acronym to help you remember: FORD.
Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams.
While everyone is different, these are generally safe topics to ask about: how someone’s family is doing, what the person does for work, what they enjoy doing in their free time, and what their hopes and dreams are. However, these topics still require thoughtful phrasing so that the questions don’t feel intrusive.
If you want to get to know someone, one of the best ways is to ask about their goals and aspirations. If they are students, you can ask: “What is your major?”
Afterward, you can follow up by asking what they want to do with their degree. This can naturally lead into a conversation about their goals, dreams, and plans for the future.
If your conversational partner is working, you can ask what they do for work, how they got into that line of work, or what they enjoy about their current job.
A common place for small talk is at work. If that’s the case, you may already know where the person works. Instead, you can ask what they like to do when they aren’t at work.
Do they play sports? What do they enjoy doing in their free time? This simple question can be a great conversation starter because it can lead to many different directions.
Lastly, you can ask about family. As with several of these topics, asking about family can sometimes be risky. Some people don’t talk to their families or may have complicated relationships with them.
Some signs that it may be a safe topic include: if the person has their spouse or children as their phone wallpaper, if they already talk about their family (“I’m taking the kids to a soccer game this weekend”, “It’s our anniversary tonight”), or if they ask you about your family first.
This leads to an important rule in conversation: if someone else brings up a topic, it’s usually okay to talk about it.
Of course, you should still be mindful of your environment and who may be listening. But if someone asks you about politics, family, or your dreams, it’s generally acceptable to reciprocate and ask about theirs as well.
While small talk can be difficult, it doesn’t have to be. It just takes some confidence, some conversation starters, and practice.
Using the FORD method is a great place to begin. Once you feel comfortable, you can gradually expand into deeper conversations beyond simple small talk. Keep practicing and good luck!
